Eat, Pray, Set Boundaries: The psychology of getting your needs met
10 signs of poor boundaries and how to fix them
How often do you say no?
In this episode, I unpack the beautiful mess that is boundary-setting—with stories, psychology, and a touch of Brexit. This episode dives deep into what it really means to assert your needs.
Boundaries aren’t about building walls—they’re more like installing a front door with a lock you actually use. We explore why people-pleasing kills self-respect, how resentment creeps in when you’re too “nice,” and why your future depends on the limits you’re willing to draw today.
What you’ll take away:
- 10 signs of poor boundaries
- How to spot a weak boundary before it drains your energy
- Why saying no can be the kindest thing you do
- You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate
- How to identify emotional manipulation in everyday relationships
- A quadrant model that makes difficult conversations easier
Listen now if you’re ready to stop being agreeable and start being respected.
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Growth Mindset Psychology:
Sam Webster explores the psychology of happiness, satisfaction, purpose, and growth through the lens of self-improvement.
📺 Watch - YouTube (Growth Mindset)
🛜 Website - Growth Mindset
Show: Growth Mindset, psychology of self-improvement
Episode: Science of Mental Toughness: Assess yourself using the 4 quadrants of resilience
Chapters:
00:00 Setting boundaries for how you want to be treated
02:58 Boundaires in life Example
05:10 Why boundaries need balance
07:19 10 signs of poor boundaries
07:35 Difficulty making decisions
07:58 Feeling selfish for saying no
08:18 Frequent apologizing
08:49 Uncertainty about what to share
09:13 Passive aggressiveness
09:49 Losing sense of self
10:10 Need for external validation
10:26 Resentment
10:43 Constant sense of fatigue
11:02 Dramatic relationships
11:34 Abusive situations
15:03 Identifying crap boundaries
15:14 Floppy boundary
17:22 Rigid boundary
19:10 Why we struggle with boundaries
23:09 Creating healthy boundaries
23:39 Personal boundaries
24:07 Social boundaries
25:24 Value-based boundaries
26:43 Communicating boundaries
28:25 Traffic light framework
31:58 The importance of independence
34:41 Book suggestions
35:22 Send off
🧭 The Boundary Quadrant Framework
Axis 1: Emotional Tone
-
Loving
-
Resistant
Axis 2: Assertiveness Level
-
Soft
-
Hard
This creates four quadrants, each representing a different way of responding to a request or boundary-crossing situation:
1. Soft + Loving → The “Nice Complier”
You agree to requests out of kindness or alignment with your values.
✅ Healthy when it’s a genuine “yes.”
⚠️ Unhealthy when you’re saying yes to avoid guilt or keep the peace.
Example:
Helping your partner with work because you truly want to be supportive.
2. Hard + Loving → The “Firm Protector”
You set a clear boundary, but from a place of care.
✅ Best quadrant for strong but empathetic boundaries.
⚠️ May feel uncomfortable if you’re used to being a people-pleaser.
Example:
Telling your partner you need space to focus now, but reassuring them you’ll reconnect later.
3. Soft + Resistant → The “Silent Resenter”
You say yes… but your heart says no.
✅ Sometimes tactful short-term.
⚠️ Leads to resentment, burnout, or passive aggression.
Example:
Agreeing to visit friends when you’re sick, just to avoid awkwardness.
4. Hard + Resistant → The “Reactive Defender”
You respond from frustration, anger, or avoidance.
✅ Useful in abusive or manipulative situations.
⚠️ Can escalate conflict or cause unnecessary damage.
Example:
Shutting someone down harshly to “win” the argument or protect your pride.
💡 The Big Idea:
You can be loving and assertive at the same time.
Boundaries are strongest when they’re clear but kind—like a sturdy door with a warm welcome sign.
